


i'd do it all again (and again, and again): the rewrite

by thesleepdeprived



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Afterlife, Angst, Chaptered, Fluff, Greek Mythology - Freeform, M/M, Meta, Multi, Parallel Universes, Reality, Resurrection, Rewrite, Souls, Tags will be added with each chapter, The second one, Time Travel, VERSION 2, WIP, aus in an au, but not in a sequely way, car crash, main character near-death, meta as all hell, past three tags- kinda, sci fi in universes it shouldn't be, universe hopping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9253475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesleepdeprived/pseuds/thesleepdeprived
Summary: THIS IS THE LONG-AWAITED REWRITE OF 'and in the end, i'd do it all again (and again, and again)'.Now featuring: An updating schedule, a beta reader, and more!-“I remember I was in a car crash, but I was with someone - have you heard anything about someone named Dan? Dan Howell? He was in the car with me. Please, I need to know if he’s okay,”Jay ducked his head. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”Phil inhaled so sharply it whistled through his teeth. “Where is he? Is he…”“He’s alive,” Jay reassured him, “But not in very good shape. His chances… aren’t great.”“I need to see him, then. He’s-” Phil’s voice rasped and broke, his throat closing up and eyes itching with unshed tears. He struggled into a semi-upright position, his muscles protesting as he supported himself on the headboard of the hospital bed.“I need to-”“You can save him, if you hear me out.”“You don’t understand, he’s- what?”-after Dan and Phil are in a car accident, both in bad shape and close to death, Phil is offered a choice- live through hundreds of alternate universes fighting for his and Dan's only chance to get their lives back, or walk away and let Dan die.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome back to the fic I've been procrastinating for a total of two years!  
> No longer. This year I am FUCKING DETERMINED TO FINISH IT. I've changed several MAIN PLOT ELEMENTS in order to better fit my vision for the fic, which previously had been completely straying from its original purpose, so be warned: these rewritten chapters aren't something you can skip!  
> Warnings: Hospitals, car crashes, character near-death. Please let me know if you need anything else tagged!  
> Word count: ~2200  
> HUGE thanks to my new beta, [Annabel!](http://spacehoephil.tumblr.com/)

01\. Stuck

Phil hadn’t wanted to die like this; granted, the concept of death was a rather terrifying one, and therefore he thought about it as little as possible, but still, he thought, not like this. Perhaps going in his sleep would’ve been nice, surrounded by friends and family, but wishful thinking is rather powerless against a speeding car headed over 100 kilometers per hour down the wrong side of the road, isn’t it?

The impact… he couldn’t remember much of it. He’d seen the car coming, thrown an arm out towards Dan-

Dan. 

The singular thought was punctuated by a beep, then followed quickly by another. He opened his eyes.

Dan. Was Dan okay?

The ceiling was white, panelled out of some cheap material that looked like painted cardboard. There was another beep, and it was as if the sound had physically struck him with the realization that none of it had been a dream. They had been hit by a car…Oh, God they had been hit by a car. Where was Phil? Was he...dead?

Not yet making any attempt to sit up, he scanned what little he could see in his peripheral vision. The small room was brightened by bright fluorescent lights, almost blinding in their position right above him. He could see pale blue walls and some sort of screen directly to his left. He squinted, shifting to try to get a better look- where were his glasses?

“Phil, can you hear me?” The voice was soft but unfamiliar, coming from some corner of the room that Phil couldn’t see from his current position. “Phil, how are you feeling?”

Phil groaned, blinking and fidgeting as he tried to return feeling to his limbs. Everything ached. He managed to raise his head an inch, just barely catching sight of the top of someone’s light brown hair. He frowned, struggling to sit up further to see whoever was seated opposite him. 

“Who…?” He trailed off, frowning at the rasp in his voice. 

“I’m here to help you, alright Phil?” The person stands, and now Phil can see that it’s a tall man with a quiff and pointed nose, dressed in a deep red suit, complimented by a shockingly bright silver tie. 

Phil tried to sit up, but the man immediately put out a hand above his shoulder, looking concerned. 

“You shouldn’t strain yourself- you’ve been through a lot. Just… relax for now.”

Phil cleared his throat before speaking, “Who are you? Are you a doctor?”

“You can call me Jay, and no I’m not, but I’m here to help you, alright?”

Phil narrowed his eyes in confusion. “But if you’re not a doctor-?””

“Listen, please, I have some important things to talk to you about.”

“What things? I remember I was in a car crash, but I was with someone -- have you heard anything about someone named Dan? Dan Howell? He was in the car with me. Please, I need to know if he’s okay,”

Jay ducked his head. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Phil inhaled so sharply it whistled through his teeth. “Where is he? Is he…”

“He’s alive,” Jay reassured him, “But not in very good shape. His chances… aren’t great.”

“I need to see him, then. He’s-” Phil’s voice rasped and broke, his throat closing up and eyes itching with unshed tears. He struggled into a semi-upright position, his muscles protesting as he supported himself on the headboard of what he could now fully see and was awake enough to register a hospital bed. 

“I need to-”

“You can save him, if you hear me out. Stay still.”

“You don’t understand, he’s- what?”

“You can save him. Listen to me. Some pairs of people are very special- I call them bonded souls, but soulmates has basically the same meaning. They simply can’t be without each other. If one half of such a pair were to die, the other would usually soon follow, as their souls must be near each other at all times, or suffer dire consequences. 

“I’m an exception, though, a bit of a rule breaker. See, when a person dies, their soul detaches from their body and moves on from the world it had been in and goes to another, to occupy another version of that same body- in an alternate universe. I know that this is probably a lot to take in but...I was born with the ability to travel between universes, communicate with and direct souls in the right direction That’s how my ancestors were, in the universe I come from. Dan may seem like he’s about to float off somewhere else, but I can bring him right back here. I only need you to help me search for where he would be going, so I can hold off the time when your souls are supposed to arrive there. It’s really much more simple than you’d think, and I’ll be helping you with all of this as well. 

“It pains me to see a situation like this. You’re both so young still, and so, so in love. Bonded souls don’t necessarily have to love each other in a romantic way, but… I suspect that’s the way it is for you, is it not?”

Tears had escaped Phil’s eyes by now, forging hot trails down his pale cheeks. “This is one hell of a sick joke. Leave me alone, I’ll call in a nurse to get you out if I have to.” He gestured to a small remote on the table beside the bed, with a big red ‘CALL’ button in the center. 

“If I could prove to you that everything I just said is true, would you let me?” Jay said softly. 

“I don’t care. Get out.”

“Give me your hand, and I’ll show you the universe I came from. Show you all the proof you could possibly want that this is real. If I’m crazy, nothing will happen, right? Nothing to lose.” Jay held out his hand in front of him, flat, open, and trembling slightly. “Please believe me,” he whispered. “I really want to help you.”

Phil stared at his hand warily, thoughts racing around his head like, well, speeding cars. He glanced back up at Jay’s face- kind, familiar, soft almost, despite the sharp point of his nose and starkness of his dark eyelashes against his pale skin. “How long will it take?”

“Not long at all. Time passes slower here than in my world, an hour there is equal to about half a second here.”

“I-” Phil glanced around, at the door, at Jay’s face, down to his arms, folded against his chest, bandages running up the length of his right. Some part of his brain was still trying to rationalize this, convince him not to do it, but honestly, Phil just felt tired. He’s right, what do I have to lose? If this maniac could save Dan - regardless of whether he’s actually a manic or not - and I turned him down, how could I live with myself?

He raised his gaze back up to that trembling hand, up to Jay’s eyes- which were a bit misty with the conviction in his words. 

He didn’t look back down at the hand, just reached out and grabbed it. 

\--I||I--

The shift was immediate. It was twilight, and the city was just starting to shine. A breeze ruffled Phil’s hair, carrying with it a sweet, fresh breath of something floral. His mouth had dropped open, shoulders slack and head tilted upwards to watch as the buildings started to light up.

And light up they did - in shades of electric blue and lime green and bright white, not quite neon, but something resembling it. There was a rumble overhead and he flinched as a dark shape flew past in the sky above him, taking a moment to register in the dim light the transparent tracks suspended ten feet above where he stood. 

It was stunning, completely bewildering, and Phil felt as if he’d been physically knocked off balance.

“Am I still crazy?” Jay’s voice was light, barely holding back an edge of teasing. 

“I don’t think so.”

“This is the city Janus. It’s Earth, somewhere in what you’d call Europe, I believe - though the tectonic plates of this earth have drifted so far that your Europe is practically unrecognizable. There are many stories as to how this universe separated off to become its own, but I prefer the one that says that it was created when the Gods of old - you have those, don’t you? Zeus, Athena, Hecate - they diverted some catastrophe, one that would kill them in other worlds.”

“They’re myths to us,” Phil replied. 

“As is to be expected,” Jay muttered, but didn’t elaborate. 

“So… what would I have to do, if I agreed to this?”

Jay’s eyes lit up. “Simple. I have a list of possible universes, which I know that your bonded souls have inhabited for some time.”

“You keep talking about souls - I don’t really understand,” Phil interrupted. 

“Souls are… the essence of who you are. Your consistent traits, those inexplicable fears you’re not sure where you picked up, everything you are except for your memories. They travel, as if playing a game, across universes, living out different lives in similar bodies in different times. You are not merely human, you are a third soul, a third mind, and a third body. Your essence, thoughts, memories, and physicality. They’re all parts of you, entirely separate, yet interwoven.”

“I think that makes more sense. So why would I need to go where my soul has already been?” 

“Patterns. Little blips of who you once were are the best ways to find out where you’ll go next. You’ll speak to Dan in all of these universes-”

“But his soul in in my universe right now, isn’t it?” Phil insisted. “You said he wasn’t dead!”

“He’s not! Time is a human construct that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of universes, you’ll learn to get around it with… well, time.”

“Sounds like something Dan’d say,” Phil muttered. “What’s the catch?”

“Catch?”

“Y’know, the bad part of this deal. What am I going to lose for this?”

“I’ve made it as ‘catch’-less as is possible. The most you’ll lose is a few seconds in your world, and if you are successful, then Dan will wake up, so will you, and you’ll be on with your lives.”

“What if I fail, then? And what do you mean, I’ll wake up?”

“Your body is asleep. It’s your mind and soul that I’m speaking to now.”

“But I have a body,” Phil frowned, touching his arm. “I’m here, I’m real.”

“Don’t you always in dreams?”

“Does that mean that you’re not real, that none of this is really happening?” Phil felt his hope slipping out from under his fingers. 

“Just because it’s a dream, why can’t it be real?”

“Because that’s how things work,” Phil answered stubbornly. 

“Just allow yourself to accept that I’m real. Try it out.”

Phil did his best to suspend his disbelief, though it still hung at the back of his mind, a big, dark shadow. “What happens if I fail?” he repeated. 

“You go home.”

“And Dan doesn’t?”

Jay nodded. 

“But I thought that if Dan died, I would die too?”

“Oh, you will, but not for a couple of years, at least..” 

“So, to sum this all up,” Phil rubbed his eyes and shook his head slightly to clear it. “If I agree to this, I do some apparently ‘simple’ universe-hopping, look for patterns, and Dan might live. If I don’t, he dies no matter what and I only get a few years?”

“To put it simply, yes.”

Phil’s head pounded, and he was reminded that he wasn’t in his body. His disbelief, that dark cloud, loomed like an angry monster above his head. 

“Consider this as seriously as you like, but if you decide to leave now and let him die, I won’t be there to save you a second time.”

Was there really even a choice?

If this was just a dream, not real, then he’d have to take his chances. If he agreed and it wasn’t real… he’d still have to wake up and take his chances. Why on earth would he disagree?

He ran a hand through his hair. “Sure. Yeah, I’ll do it.”

“Excellent. We have a lot of work to do,” Jay says with a smile. He presses a small, leather-bound journal into Phil’s hand. “We’ll get started in just a few minutes, I must check on something first.”

-I||I-

Heavy breathing fills the room, and a corner of Jay’s mouth quirks up. 

The man in bed sits up, blinking his bleary eyes before staring up at him, meeting Jay’s eyes. 

“Who’re you?” he mumbles, still rather sleepy from the drugs and his ordeal. 

“I’m here to help you. You can call me Jay, Dan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find update progress and ~bonus features~ (aka art, polls to influence upcoming chapters, a chance to peer pressure me into working and general author grumbling) on my twitter,[ @bullshitphanfic! ](https://twitter.com/bullshitphanfic)
> 
> Update schedule: every other Sunday (next: january 22)
> 
> EDIT: y'know those new years resolutions..... like the ones about going to the gym more... that don't really work out..... heh. sorry y'all it's been a CRAZY week of illness and midterms and all sorts of fun like that, i'm aiming for sunday the 29th?


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